Sit with me…
Another week has passed, and I hope the new one finds you well.
As much as I would love for this post to start out on a sunny, inspiring note, it's not going to. However, I've come to realize that inspiration isn't always sunny or beautiful. Sometimes it comes in moments of struggle, confusion, and down-right pessimism. We aren't yet to that point, but we'd be kidding ourselves if we said we never felt that. Today's inspiration comes from the unsettled feelings. The desire to do or be more. Recognizing that you aren't living at your optimal level, admitting that you're uncertain of where to turn next, and sitting with that feeling. Uncertainty doesn't always have to be answered, but acknowledging it is a great first step.
After receiving some intense bodywork last week, I've been filled with an array of emotions. Feeling cleansed and open to the world, confused and fearful about sensations in my body, uncertain of my emotional state, and lots of fatigue. That's right; real spiritual work and discovery isn't as beautiful as the yoga poses and quinoa salads on Instagram would have you believe. #wellnessbullshit
This morning, after mixed feelings and emotions floating around in my body and mind over the last few days, I decided to sit with it (quite literally). I curled into a fetal position, grabbed my favorite pillow, put on a little meditative music to keep me on task, and let myself experience whatever has been going on inside of me. I didn't try to figure it out, or understand where it was coming from. I didn't brush the tears from my eyes, or hold in the belly laughs that caught me totally by surprise. I didn't judge the thoughts that came into my head about "what I should be doing" or "what else I could be accomplishing". I experienced my feelings, totally.
I wouldn't say that I necessarily feel "better", but I do recognize the purified feeling I have after letting my physical body experience things, even though my mental and emotional side haven't caught up yet. The discomfort is gone, and it's as if my body is experiencing gratitude for not trying to deny it the time to express itself (yes, we're getting a little metaphysical here, but stay with me). Now that I'm more at ease, physically at least, I feel like I'm more able to pay attention to my work. I can communicate with others without feeling inauthentic. And I'm not talking about putting on a fake smile to get through it; I mean that I can focus and respond appropriately, while still recognizing that I'm not functioning at 100%. I can share about today's experience with my partner without any guilt of secretly wanting him to fix it all, and then being resentful when he can't.
There are definitely some beautiful moments when it comes to self-discovery, emotional healing, and becoming more in tune with our bodies. There are also moments when it's scary, frustrating, and overwhelming. I think our real power is shown when we learn to accept those feelings, simply as they are, understanding that the process of uncovering their origin may be long, or never-ending. Recognize where you're at today. Experience your feelings fully, without the pressure of having to identify or label them.
Have yourself a good cry, laugh, or curse. All are welcome.